ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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