Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
