I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
