why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
