Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
