o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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