Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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