Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
