Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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