Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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