don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
