Can i not drive my cunt home
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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