I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
