It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
