there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You need a sexual gate keeper
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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