it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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