Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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