i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
