I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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