I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
