Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
