and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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