it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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