we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize