Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
