Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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