I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
