you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
