Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
