Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would fuck him just for his dog
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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