I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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