it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
