Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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