don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
