now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
