New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
