In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
