If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
