I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
