I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
