just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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