Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
