my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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