I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
