My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
