Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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