Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
