i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
