i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am one with the molecules
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
