if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
