I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
