My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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