That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
