i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
