You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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