turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize