the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
