...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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