Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
