i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
