do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
