my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
