please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
