About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
