P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
