he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
