take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
