I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you had me at cake vodka
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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